Wednesday, December 31

Too Late 2008

Here it is, New Years Eve. 2008 was one of the craziest, hardest, and tumultuous years of my life. I dated James till the weekend before I left for basic and got cheated on. Joined the Army, got hurt. Got back together with James (got broken up with again). Was medically separated from the Army. I moved to a completely new state all alone, okay my brother is there.

There were some days where I didnt really think that I could make it another step. Seeing my past year in a few short sentences makes it seem like it wasnt that hard. Im just hoping that 2009 will be a tad easier.

New Years Resolutions
  • Keep up my diet
  • Quit Smoking
  • Stop cursing (as much)
  • Save $5000

Saturday, December 27

drunkity drunk drunky

Im drunk.....its glorious. I havent been drunk in so long. I've missed it, this awesome feeling that i actually like everything in my life is upon me . No wonder people are alcoholics. I had in equivlent about 11-12 shots tonight. they were mixed in drinks. Cranberry and vodkas, and washington apples. Im such a crown royal girl. you dont even know. im gonna go to bed now, happy as hell.

Thursday, December 25


More bullshit, besides Christmas. I got a letter stating that I am no longer eligible for my unemployment benefits, because of the way I answered a question. So now I have to go through this huge ordeal and appeals process so I can start getting my money again. On top of that there is some bullshit charge on my Discover Card for Delta Flight Insurance. I call hotwire, they didnt make the charge, the direct me to delta. I get some lady who hardly speaks English and says "delta does not sell flight insurance" Then why the fuck does it say it on my damn credit card statement. She asks me, did you check a bag. Yes I did, at the counter outside where they only accept cash, I still have the receipt, would you like me to fax it to you?

Everybody has just been irking my nerves today, and I already want the rest of the 25th to be over.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Christmas came, it saw, and it went. My family is German, so we do a traditional German Christmas. All in all, we open our presents on Xmas eve. All the other stuff is not important to all those who arent German. As me and my sister and her boyfriend were all opening gifts. They were like this is awesome, after almost every gift. I honestly, did not like a single one of my gifts. It is the hands down winner as the worst christmas ever. I just wanted to sit outside, smoke my cigarettes while drinking jim beam and diet coke.

In the lovely 19 years of my existence, I cant believe my parents don't even get me at all. Simple things, things that they've known since I was 12. I hate anything that smells; lotions, candles, and of that shit I hate. I live in jeans and white t-shirt, year round. When it gets colder, my sleeves get longer. The only jewelry that I wear is my nose stud. Yes, there are the one or two times a month that I will put earrings on or dress kind of dressed up. Honestly, I am not at all comfortable doing it though. 3, maybe 4 hours max.

  • scented soap
  • two pairs of pajamas (I recall ranting to my mom about how I have 18 pairs, recently)
  • A coat (again, I recall telling my mom & dad how I bought 2 this past year, I also have a very nice one from last year)
  • Perfume-that I don't even like (they know I dont like it, they bought it for me before and I told them that)
  • Jewelry- ugly jewelry in fact
  • Pirates of the Caribbean 3- I dont even own 1 or 2, havent even seen the second one.
  • Placemats- enough said
  • Christmas Coasters-they know I hate xmas, again- enough said
  • Sweater- from my sister, kind of nice
  • Purse-Never going to wear it

About 5 minutes after my dad saw how miserable I was and brought me a shot of Jim, he then tells me he is giving my sister a $1000 for getting an A in her algebra class, when this is the 2nd or 3rd time shes taken it. Somebody please tell me when it will be my turn.

What the hell, this looks like something for gay pride. Its ugly as shit. what was she thinking

Wednesday, December 24

Holiday Hell

I am back in North Carolina. My house has 6, no lie 6 christmas trees. there are garlands, and xmas cards, and tons of truly amazing ornaments. Its all super beautiful, and I just want to run away. I've already gotten into 3 or 4 arguments with my dad over stupid things. He gets mad when I sleep in, I'm on vacation. I have every right to do it, for one day. I hate christmas, everybody gets so stressed out just trying to please everybody else, be jolly. In my opinion, unless there are young children, people should just save their money and go on vacation.

Right now, I just want to go back to my apartment, it doesnt have a single wreath or stocking, not even anything christmas smelling. I actually wanted to buy my godbaby Izzy a present. I saw the most awesome Ming Ming the Duck toy, it was $40, fuck that. I swear, if prices werent so inflated, maybe the American dollar would be worth more. Then America wouldnt be in such a horrible recession. I'm done ranting for now, I think.

FYI-Suicide rates severly spike during the holiday season. ......wonder why????

Sunday, December 21

Xmas Blues

Ughhh, I leave tomorrow morning and I haven't even packed yet. I already know I have to bring an empty suitcase home, just so I can load it with the xmas goods.

I wonder how my quitting smoking will be affected by my trip to the tobacco king of the universe. I think I lived about 2 hours away from Marlboro county.

Not entirely sure why, but I am just not all that excited about this trip. I love my family, I really do. Also, I have been craving to see my old friends and to have a life again. So why the christmas blues?

Saturday, December 20

Dating pyschos

I have been here for a little over a month now. I've got my apartment, which I am in complete love with. Finding a job has been a bit of a challenge. I am not just looking to be another waitress, again. I have got skills, people need to recognize. I make more off my unemployment right now than I would making minimum wage somewhere.

The one thing I miss so much is just having a social life. I have good friends back home. By the way my home is Ft. Bragg, NC. I spent most of my life there. Dating was never a problem. Even if I was alone at a coffee shop I would have guys just start chatting me up and ask for my number. Here I don't know a soul besides my brother. So going out with friends isn't really an option for me. I went out on a limb, made my myspace profile public. Everybody who contacted me ended up being pyscho, or just not my type. One guy I had to get his calls, texts, and emails blocked. We never even met face-to-face. How bad is that?

I had the brilliant idea that if I do the searching maybe I will yield better results. May I note, that I never thought I would be the type to try the hooking up through the internet thing; i.e. online dating. Moving on, I ended up just looking at one guys profile, he intrigued me. Long story short, went on a couple of dates, he seems cool.

I am a bit disappointed. I uploaded photos of my apartment on and people are not giving it the greatest reviews. Boo!