Good morning all

I had plans to wake up around 9 today, but then I couldnt sleep last night, and I finally clocked out around 2:30, James decided to call me back at 4. He was a bit drunk and even though I'm not a fan of dealing with drunk people I stayed up and talked with him to make sure he was okay. Passed out again around 5:30. I need to tidy up the apartment some, then head to the gym. With not having as much free time like I had planned on, I will just bring all my stuff for work with me, shower and change at the gym.

The food wasn't nearly as healthy as I had envisioned yesterday. I honestly can't even remember what I had except for a Coconut Larabar. I must get going now. Have a great day!

Evey

Oh and I got that job. Its another serving job, for day shifts. So for the time being, I'm gonna work my ass off at both jobs, and save some cash. I really need a safety cushion. I've definitely got some things on my wish-list that I'm going to try to obtain.

Are there specific things that you are saving for? If so, what are they?

Ramblings of a Restless Mind

I've been contemplating the importance and significance of my life lately. Since getting out of the Army, I've done this quite a few times, and every time, this one included I keep coming up short. I miss putting on that uniform everyday, and have my life mean something. There is a pride and sense of honor that nobody else can even fathom. You're apart of something bigger than yourself, your community, state, but you're country. There hasn't been a single day since being discharged last October that I don't think about it. On October 10th, it will have been a year exactly.

This is generally where somebody might want to interject and say something along the lines of, "you are important". Too damn bad, none of what any of you say will make me change my mind. I want my life to mean something, be important, and to help others. Not in some bullshit kind of way. Right now, the only way I help people is getting them refills and appease their appetite.

The only job that I have seriously thought about and actually liked the idea of is being a teacher. High school math. I was good at it, and some of my high school math teachers were my most influential. It just seems that picking teaching as a career right now is pretty much signing up to be broke. They have so many finance careers, and things in that nature where after a few years you can clear $200,000 easy. I honestly just feel like I would be happier doing something where I am actually helping kids in the 1st degree.

I'm starting college in January to make the first step toward this goal.

I'm done ranting about all that. I need to get some sleep, I need to get my ass in the gym in the morning. I've really been slacking a lot lately. It's not like I haven't been yearning for the gym. I've just been letting my back chill out. It's just now starting to feel better AGAIN. I've been eating very healthy, except that I have had an incredible sweet tooth the past couple of days.

I've really been missing my ex for a while now. Then every time I go home and see him it just makes it worse. I am completely in love with him, and I actually said those 3 little words to him this past time I was home. Throughout my visit I said it a few times. He said it back to me. It's just that when I first told him he was completely shocked, and although he did say it back to me after a few minutes of rambling (in which I felt embarrassed and ashamed for actually saying how I felt. Every other time he would say it he seemed pained or forced to do so. I know he loves me, but I think that he thinks saying it out loud just cements it. Also, he dated somebody for a really long time before we originally got together, and again after we broke up the first time. I know this girl really broke his heart, and maybe he is scared to put himself out there. Maybe I'm all wrong about all of this, and am just being over analytical. I just know that I miss him.



Let me give a brief background of me and him. We met and started dating December 2007. Broke up in April 08 when I left for the Army. We saw each other for a few weeks when I got injured and had to come home. He was still with his gf, but we never did anything but kiss. We got in a fight one night about us, his gf, and it boiled down to he chose her. When I got out of the Army, I moved away from home within a month of being discharged. Mostly just to start a new life, but stuck in there with reasons a,b, and c was him, and being so close to him, and not actually being with him was just going to be too hard for me. While living here in KY I wrote him a letter, and he called me in response. I found out that the other woman cheated on him, and he made some references to us breaking up being a huge mistake. My thought was "KARMA". I know we've had a very tumultuous past, but I am speaking for the both of us on this that we are just crazy about each other, and when we were together I can honestly say that he made me ridiculously happy, and I miss that. So once we started talking again I've gone down to NC every month or so since May. This past time was mostly to see him. Its crazy that no matter how many times I see him, or however long I've known him. Every single time I see him walk into a room my heart starts racing, and my stomach does tiny little flips, and I can feel this huge grin just spread across my face, i know it lights up like a Christmas tree.

I'm not exactly sure whats going on with us. He knows how I feel about him, and vice-versa. I am willing to wait to be with him again, and am completely willing to do the long distance thing. I just don't know if he would want that. I'm just so scared that he's going to find somebody else. I can't even begin to explain how that day last June was honestly the worst day of my life, and I never want to have to go through anything remotely similar to that.


I love Louisville, so much. I really don't wanna go back to my hometown. I do miss my family, friends, and obviously the ex. My parents are absolutely in love with Louisville and have mentioned that they would like to move here, because they definitely don't want to retire in Ft. Bragg/ Fayetteville. If I could just transport all the people I care about here then I think everybody would like that better. Due to certain obligation he has in back home he cant move here anytime soon. I'm trying to get him to visit, I know that he will honestly fall in love with the place. Everybody else I know has.

Wow, I can't believe I've rambled about this guy, and job I no longer have for this long. For anybody actually reading this (I doubt there are actually people who read this) sorry for the rant, but I've really been needing to clear my head for some time now, and nobody ever wants to listen to this kind of stuff.

While I was home, my friend Larissa who is an amateur photographer took some really cool photos of me at the abandoned Rockafeller mansion. I will post them tomorrow, not sure if to do it Gallery or Slideshow style. I shall decide tomorrow. Goodnight all

Homemade Spaghetti Sauce and Margaritas on my roof

Last night after work, I waited on a friend to get off, and we came back to my place to hang. Since everybody at work knows I'm a vegetarian, most have avoided my cooking since it lacks Misery & Death. I've made food for some of them a few times. So I was in the mood to cook at 11 PM, I have an evening job. It gets kinda lonely always cooking for just yourself.

I decide to make some Gluten free Spelt Spaghetti, and I wanted to prove my prowess in the kitchen so my sauce is from scratch. 2 cans tomato sauce, 1 can tomato paste, and one large can peeled and stewed tomatoes. I added in a tube of the Gimme Lean sausage, and some minced garlic. Then a whole bunch of spices, oh yeah I also put in one of my favorite things of all time hot sauce. I would of loved to add in mushrooms, olives, and onions, but I literally created this in about 15 minutes start to finish. It was delicious. It almost reminded me of my mommas.

Martha and me ate, made a couple of margaritas. Popped the screen outta my living room window and climbed onto the first story roof of my building. Hung out, drunk the tequila thats been in my fridge for like 3 months now, and talked till about 4 in the morning. It was a blast.

My friend Martha and I work at a nice Italian restaurant, and my Spaghetti with "meat" sauce was way better, and way better for you. Sorry, no pics. It made for delicious leftovers today too, and tomorrow.

I've been pinching every dime I can lately. I am SOOO broke, its just not even funny. So I haven't gone out to get drinks with friends lately, no shopping. I'm gonna apply for a second job tomorrow. I have a few places in mind. I know the cheapest places to get all the stuff I buy. The only stuff I'm willing to pay high prices for are my organic veggies, and healthy foods. I've actually found some good-for-ya foods at Big Lots, and they are crazy CHEAP too. I know that sounds odd, but check it out. Then TJ Maxx has a lot of sauces, dressings, and things of nature from Trader Joes. I wish there was a Trader Joes close to Louisville.

I'm hoping to make a trip up to Cincinatti to the Ikea store in the next couple of weeks. I bought what I thought were these glass paneled lights that mount to the wall. I actually only bought the the glass panels, I didnt get the mounting wall brackets or the invisi-cords. I know I won't be able to make the trip to Cinci for at least a month or so.

I've been writing this blog for about 2 1/2 hours now. I was watching TrueBlood, and now I'm finishing up The Express. Not Pineapple Express. This movie is SOOOOOOO GOOD. I recommend it to everyone. It's just about over, so goodnight all.

cutting my losses????? or not

Started my day off with this yummy treat:


Went to work, nothing exciting. All other food was a bore.

I've already committed myself to selling my couches. Craigslist baby. I bought them for a total of $569, and selling for $500. I literally posted the ad 2 hours ago, and have already gotten about 10 inquiries and offers. one person offered fully price and is going to have a look at them on Monday, and will be able to take them whenever. Another person wants the rug I just bought. I like the rug, but the look I have in this living room is not what I want for my next one. Another awesome reason to sell. I bought it for $40, and they are offering $75. Haha, I love profit.

Speaking of money. I went shopping today. I didn't spend a lot of money. I went to Sephora, and got an Urban Decay pencil concealer. Its so creamy, and provides great coverage that doesn't look overdone. Then I got a Smashbox tinted moisturizer. It is great and provides that awesome dewy look. I'm pretty much over regular foundation. I think it makes me look haggard.

I hit up Old Navy, next to Sephora. I had a $10 off coupon. I bought a really cute sundress, an awesome gathered top, and a St. Pattys Day shirt that I get to wear at work on said day.

I don't know why but I've been obsessed with creating a very strict budget. I just keep thinking that the economy is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. So I want to be financially stable. I'm pretty tired, and have to at work early. I hope to get up around 8-9. So I can go the gym before work. That means its bed time now.

holy effin' hell

work was decent. Got my Ikea catalog in the mail today, so that kept me occupied for my very slow day at work. I get off work, decide to go ahead and pay my Geico bill. I take the chance, and head over to progressive. I customized my progressive with collision, comprehensive, roadside assistance, rental, and upped the coverage of my liability, and with the minimal deductibles. It came out to $175. I thought what the hell that's $20 better than what I pay now ($240 a year). So after I get my progressive all set up. I go to Geico website, and this is when I found out that I only had state minimum coverage liability. So I changed all the settings for the exact same as progressive for a quote, and it ended up being over $500 a month.

That just makes me so mad. I honestly cant believe that. What a freaking rip off. I hate that I'm not even tired. I have to be at work at 11:30 a.m. I'm happy to finally be getting a day shift. I just wish that my sleep pattern hadn't gotten all screwed up again. I also worked out a budget for what my expenses will be like once I start my new job, and move into a smaller place. I will have a lot more money on hand. Yahooo!!!!!

Death by axe murderer???

I absolutely hate those nights where I fee really uneasy, and scared that I'm going to get chopped to death by an axe murderer. I didn't go to sleep until after 5 a.m. I just laid there. Then I still woke up around 10. Sometimes I really wish I didn't live alone.

Started some cleaning, around 2 I started my pot roast. I'm nervous that since I started it late and I had to cook it on high that it will be dry. I could always switch it to low, but then it wont be done till like 9. I got a call from the day care that T was sick, and to go pick him up. I felt so bad for him. He had a really bad fever, so I figured I would do something to make him happy. What better than a Happy Meal. I actually ordered a burger too. It was not very good, and it made me vomit. My brothers fiance picked up little man soon after we got back to the apt. I feel so bad for him, I hate seeing him like that.

No gym today, my legs are killing me right now. The guy is supposed to come over in about an hour. I'm just so tired, I was hoping to be a bit more awake tonight. Possibly going to an auction tomorrow. Who knows?

Finally the money to all my accounts has posted. I noticed that for my federal return it is about 300 less than its supposed to be. So we'll see what happens with the state, and if its not there I'll have to call the IRS again. I swear I hate talking to them. Just a thought, maybe I'll get part of it later because that is supposed to be how much my "stimulus" package is? So now I can finish paying off the cards, yippee!!!

Money miracles

So I have 3 different checking, and savings accounts. Then 3 different credit cards, and 2 separate investment accounts. That is a lot of checking up to do online... While searching for free apps for my iPhone I found Mint. Just go to the website and it shows you all your accounts, cash to debt ratio, budgeting tools, net worth, and ways to to save money based on your own spending habits. It is easily the best finance tool ever. HERE is the site. No lie, it rocks.

NOTE: You don't need the iPhone to use this. The iPhone app is just another way to check the site.

Besides that, I ran a few errands with the guy in the afternoon. After all that I went to pick up T from his moms. She wouldn't give him back to me, and since she doesnt have primary custody I had to call the cops. I also recorded my entire conversation with her and her drugged out brother and boyfriend. So I hope it will be admissible in court. My brother has been fighting so hard to get custody of my little man. He completely deserves it. The mom is a total druggie and just sucks at life.

Today was definitely the ultimate test. I haven't mentioned this for a few reasons. I quit smoking. It has been 5 whole days. Normally I smoke when I'm hanging out with friends. I really don't hang out with anybody anymore so I pretty much nixed that aspect. The second place I almost always have a cigarette in my mouth is while I'm in the car. So todays 1 1/2 hour car ride each way was rough. Especially on the way back. I was fuming mad. I keep munching on gum. I have noticed that I am eating more, which I'm really trying to note when I'm actually hungry and when I'm just trying to fill a void so I wont grab more food.

The main reason I didn't want to say anything is that I don't want to be one of those people that seems to quit every other day. So I wanted to make sure I could last more than a few days. I know that the carbon monoxide starts leaving your lungs within 24 hours, and the nicotine is completely out of the system in 3 days. The rest of it is all mental. It really is the mental part that kicks peoples asses. I know that I am strong enough to handle this....COLD TURKEY.


UPDATER: I can't stop eating, wtf. all my hard work at the gym is going out the window. tomorrow morning I'm going to dedicate at least 2 1/2 hours to kicking my ass into shape. I need more gum.